How to Plan a Trip to Machu Picchu the Wrong Way
1. Plan your trip at the right time.
Start planning your trip at the very last second. The night before the tour would be preferable.
2. Hire a guide
Hire your 70 year old AirBNB host as your guide. (Very nice guy by the way.)
3. Get transportation to Machu Picchu
Wait 20 minutes on your Uber to arrive and hope you don’t miss the train, then get on a train for three and a half hours, and then get on a horribly bumpy ride on a bus up the mountain.
4. Eat before touring Machu Picchu.
Eat 2 lunches and a breakfast before your tour. Something like a pizza, bread, eggs, Incan corn, coffee, and orange juice.
5. Keep yourself occupied on a long train ride.
Talk to a stranger named Justin and tell him your entire life story and rant more about your life to the same poor fellow on the way back to Cusco.
6. What is a must-do at Machu Picchu?
Pet llamas that could possibly spit at you. Make sure that the mother is around when you pet her baby too.
7. Make sure you learned something.
Listen to your guide’s advice even though he says “Don’t be disappointed if you find other information from different sources.”
8. Get transportation back to your hotel
Leave the train station and hope that there are any taxis left to get you home at 10:00 at night. Make sure to choose a sketchy white van for $10.
Here are some actual tips that may help you if you plan on hiking Machu Picchu in the near future:
- Wear good shoes such as Chacos or tennis shoes or you might fall and break your crown.
- Bring plenty of water.
- Spray lots of bug spray on before going to the mountain.
- Dress in layers because it is freezing in the morning and burning in the afternoon.
- Make sure to hire a guide or you will not have a clue what you are looking at…except for giant rocks and grass.
